More AI Funnies

I pondered this post. But hell, it’s simply too funny not to do it.

Like all tech execs these days, our CEO is absolutely infatuated with AI. The industry has moved from Cloud Everything to AI.

He also likes to mingle with woke and tech glitterati.

This week we had an AI guru on a company wide webcast. Some muckity-muck professor. I rarely tune into these podcasts. To be honest, he lost me long ago with the woke nonsense. FFS, I have work to do. But, as I typically listen to podcasts whilst working (I’m doing all writing these days) I thought I’d tune into it and listen as I worked.

So the webcast starts, with great fanfare and intro from our CEO.

Then nothing.

Looking at my other computer while typing I hollered “DEAD AIR. DEAD AIR. START TALKING DOCTOR STUPID…IT’S YER TURN!”

So the CEO asks a question to get him going. Dude ramps up, starts talking in word salad (at least to me), to intro just how great and amazing AI is, he plays a clip of Snoop Dogg endorsing the technology.

That’s when I exited the meeting.

Who cares what Snoop Dogg thinks about anything. I couldn’t understand a word, other than the interspersed N-words, Muvfkers, Sheeits, and whatnot. Needless to say, there’s no intelligence involved with old Snoop – organic or artificial and if he’s endorsing it, I’m out.

Sometime later I got an email apologizing for the interwebs going down and ending the talk prematurely. But rest assured, our CEO continued the conversation and him and prof were BFFs now.

Fine. Like I care. Also, like I said, he lost me at Snoop.

By the way, I get a dozen or more corporate fluff team streams and emails a day. I used to read them. Then I figured it was all puffery. The only ones I tune into now are the ones from my VP or EVP. Those ones may have some effect on my life. The rest are just a distraction and time waster. Wonder how much we spend on the people that farm these things.

Here’s the funny part; next day was a quarterly update. You know, where we sing the songs of success for the quarter. Little mention of the dead from the day of the long knives, other than our deepest empathy and gratitude.


But then he chirped about all the great speakers we’ve had this year on these webcasts and who’s teed up for our year kickoff. When he got to Dr. Stupid, all of a sudden we had many, many mea culpas for the racisms uttered by a black rapper on our corporate webcast. We’re all assured it’ll never happen again.

Sure. Ok.

Only reason (given the chirpy email the day before) was that homes was probably called out by his peeps. Prolly the HR exec. BTW – the next two teed up, I will surely not bother. I won’t mention them other than it’s a nobody wokester and a purple haired malcontent rabble-rouser that plays sportsball.

Far as AI goes, I’m in the curmudgeon’s camp.

It’ll never, ever work if there are rules for it, like us, for what it can think and say, utterly denying common sense and observation. Our company is promoting inclusive AI, whatever the hell that looks like.

I think it’ll be funny as hell the day it becomes ‘sentinent’, if it does, realized it’s been lied to and shined on (like the rest of us).

Let’s get this straight; It’s only doing a database lookup and deciding, based on data and on what others have said (just like google does with searches), gives you the answer it thinks you want (within it’s woke boundaries).

Cousin Nikolai has been tormenting Bing AI, and finding out it ain’t all that. Take a read. It’s worth it.

Kid can’t read at seventeen
The words he knows are all obscene, but it’s all AI…

Poached from the Grateful Dead song, Touch of Grey