Friday Funnies

Man, it’s been a tough week.

Lot of work. And while I got over the Coof, immediately after, my allergies started curb stomping my lungs. So it’s been a stuggle. I really need to lower the allergy load around here, and my boy Jasper is the #1 contributer. Jet doesn’t shed much, and Aria takes weeks to get dirty enough to bathe. She sheds, but has zero dander.

All it takes is knucklehead to lay down in front of the fan in my office and I’m baked.

Jet got sick the other night. Aria will bark when he’s about to lose it. So we let him out twice. Then early, Aria barked again so Herself got up for the day and let her out.

Turns out, Dude ralphed in his crate. Twice. This was followed by a day of crapping water, and dry heaving. Poor dude was curled up in a ball all day. Later, he seemed better, and ate a little. He’s still not 100%, but he’s getting better. Tires one out. You want to make sure a 95 lb Shepherd/Lab makes it outside. Because if he doesn’t, it’s a yuge mess.

I will say I’m tired of QA that doesn’t QA. I learnt for the third time this year that the new feature I was trying to learn to build into courseware is firmly in the technical circle of ‘who cares’. No one asked for it, no one buys it. Yet, here we are. They made it work somehow, but didn’t burn a ton of cycles testing or documenting it. That there was a clue I should’ve picked up on.

Screwit. I’m in too deep now so I’m determined to make it work.

Herself is off to her sister’s for a girls weekend. So there’ll be man stuff happening here. I have metal work on the carport, woodwork on a cart I want to build, and I’ll most certainly be burning some dead animal on the grill.

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. ‘Where do you live?’ asked the operator.
Bubba replied, ‘At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.’
The operator asked, ‘Can you spell that for me?’
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, ‘How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?’

Upjoke.com

Bubba is talking to his friend in a bar and boasts to his friend that he knows everyone in the world. His friend, of course, doesn’t believe him.
“If you know everyone in the world, name everyone in this bar.” Bubba proceeds to name everyone—Joey, Rachel, Sam, Johnny, Bart, until everyone is named.
His friend is impressed, but then says, “Well, you may know everyone here but you can’t know everyone—how about Clint Eastwood? Bubba claims he does. So they go to Clint Eastwood’s house in California, knock on the door and Clint answers. “Bubba! How are you doing ol’ pal. Thanks for stopping by.”
The friend is incredulous. “Well, you don’t know President Obama.” So they go to the White House, knock on the door, and Michelle answers. “Bubba! So great to see you, what brings you here?”

By this point, his friend is seriously impressed. “Well, Bubba, there’s no way you know the Pope.” So they fly to Rome, go to the Vatican and they see the Pope is giving mass to a crowd of thousands. Bubba asks his friend, since the Pope is busy, would it be enough proof if he got up onto the altar with him. His friend agrees, and sure enough a few moments later Bubba is waving next to the Pope.
When Bubba returns, he finds his friend passed out on the floor. “Was it so incredible that I know the Pope?”
“No, what was amazing is the guy behind me asked, ‘Who’s that guy next to Bubba?!”

upjoke.com

Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives’ intelligence.

Joe Bob says, “My wife is so dumb she bought a Hoover vacuum cleaner and we don’t even have electricity.”

After a good laugh, Billy Ray says, “My wife is so dumb she bought a washing machine and we don’t even have indoor plumbing.”

After another good laugh, not to be outdone, Bubba says, “My wife is so dumb, the other day I was looking through her purse and found six rubbers, and she don’t even have a penis.”

Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a few bottles of Budweiser

Bubba, said “Slow down, Earl, a Police checkpoint is ahead!!

There was quite a few vehicles in front of them so Earl said, “Don’t worry, Bubba, “We’ll just pull over and finish drinking these beers, peel off the label, and stick it on our foreheads.

“Why?”, asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?”, said Earl.

They finished their beers, tossed out the empty bottles and each put a Budweiser label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”

“No, sir”, said Earl. “We’re on the patch”!

A college student was driving through rural Scotland on holiday
When he came across an old stone pub that must have been several hundred years old. He thought to himself that this could be an opportunity to sample some of the local ale, so he parked and headed inside.

When he opened the door, however, the bar was empty except for one old bartender polishing glasses. “Come in, come in,” the barkeep said in an almost impenetrable Scottish brogue, “I’ll pour ya a pint.”

So the college student sat down, and the barkeep poured a nice tight pint. The college student took one sip and realized that it was the best ale he’d ever been served — a masterpiece of the brewing arts. He raised the glass to the barkeep and asked where he got it. “I brewed it me self, I did. With me own two hands, I did. It took me years to develop the recipe, and each batch takes months to brew and properly age. But do they call me Willie the brewmaster? No.”

The college student continued sipping his pint, and noticed that the bar at which he was sitting was delicately carved with little twists and turns, and so tightly spaced that the joins were nearly invisible. The barkeep noticed the student looking and came over. “Ah, it’s a nice bar, ain’t it? I built this bar, I did. With me own two hands I did. Board by board. It took me years of studying in me father’s workshop to learn to carve like that, and putting this bar together took me three months of hard back-breaking labor. But do they call me Willie the bar maker? Noooo.”

The college student thought that was odd but sat there, at a magnificent bar drinking a lovely pint and staring out at what he realized was a wonderfully designed stone wall stretching into the distance. The barkeep noticed and came over. “Ach, that wall? I built that wall, I did. With me own two hands, I did. Stone by stone. It took me years of working the land to learn how to space those stones so tightly. And it took me six months of hard back-breaking labor to put all those stones together. But do they call me Willie the wall builder? Ach, nooooooo.”

“But you fuck one goat…”

Hallowed Ground for sure.
Seriously.
There’s one on the road by my house that will flash the speed, but if you’re way to fast it says “SLOW DOWN”. Does that to me a lot.
Get used to it buddy. Life will do that to you over and over.

Have a good weekend.