Friday Funnies

Jokes poached from laffgaff.com

These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heaven. Don’t step on the ducks.”

So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It’s almost impossible not to step on a duck there’s so many, and though they try their utmost to avoid standing on them, the first guy soon accidentally steps on one.

St. Peter then appears with the ugliest woman the guy had ever seen.

St. Peter chains the woman to the guy and says to him, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!”

The next day, the second guy also accidentally steps on a duck. Once again, St. Peter shows up and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains the woman to the second guy saying, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!”

The third guy has observed all this and as he really doesn’t want to be chained to an ugly woman for eternity, he’s extremely careful where he steps.

Indeed, he manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. One day though, St. Peter appears with the most gorgeous woman the guy has ever laid eyes on. She’s tall, curvaceous, tanned and extremely sexy.

Without a word, St. Peter chains the woman to the third guy.

The guy happily says to the woman, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?”

The woman replies, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.”

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionaire said, “I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who’ll join him in the pool.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and saw Brian in the pool fighting madly with the crocodile, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butting it, getting it in choke holds, biting it’s tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Brian and the crocodile were screaming and raising hell.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, Brian strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish.

An exhausted Brian wearily climbed out of the pool with everybody staring at him in disbelief.

The millionaire said, “Well, Brian, I reckon I owe you a million dollars then.”

“Nah, you all right boss, I don’t want it,” said Brian.

So the millionaire said “Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks?”

“No thanks, I don’t want it,” Brian insisted.

The millionaire said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?”

Once again, Brian said, “No.”
Confused, the rich man asked, “Well Brian, then what do you want?”

“I want the bastard who pushed me in,” said Brian.

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; let’s hear the good news first.”

The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”

Saul replied enthusiastically, “Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”

The attorney replied, “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

Make him a little furrier with floppy ears and you’d have Jethro, my main dude.
We Don’t Deserve Them
I had one like that, only red. And the bark mark was on the back, right around my brain stem.

And the funniest joke of the week would be the Clinton loyalists taking control of BLM.

Guess who took Control of BLM cash

A bunch of Clintonistas.

A bunch of very rich WHITE people have assumed control.

Recall that former BLM activist that left to attend his family? I posted a link to his podcast over a year ago where he said that in addition to the hefty problem that they were just gonna get a lot of black people killed….check, they did that….
It was all being run by the Clintons. Well guess who took over now?

Come ‘on you leftists….what’s it like to be such stupid tools of the most corrupt self-serving hacks America has ever seen?

Scott W.

I will flat out laugh right in their faces. Suckers. All of them.

Have a great weekend!

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