Gross and Stupid

Just when you think things couldn’t get worse, you stumble upon something so idiotic that it further sinks your faith in humanity. Let’s talk about Vabbing.

I can’t remember whose blog on my roll I first saw this. That said, vabbing is where you, as a woman, dig your booger picker into your female apparatus, and smear it on your skin in the hopes of attacting a man. Behold:

Ok. That’s nasty.

The idea here is that you are smearing pheremones on yourself to attract a dude. So let’s apply some high school biology here. We are a more evolved mammal. If you are going to find pheremones, they are being emitted by sweat glands. Not your junk. We aren’t like dogs that have to sniff each others crotches to figure out what the deal is.

This is why perfume companies spend millions on research on human scent, A.K.A BO. A good perfume augments what nature put there. And how you smell is a function of genetics and diet, mostly. My wife’s perfume is mesmerizing to me when she wears it. It’s off putting on another woman, like the one above, in an elevator, that uses it in quantity instead of showering or deodorant that day.

The other part of this I learnt in the childbirth classes I had to attend. To put it in technical jargon, when that apparatus is idle, it’s doing a maintenance routine (like server software). In this case it’s self cleaning, not unlike your nose. So what’s being smeared here is mucous and bacteria, two things that aren’t great to have on your skin.

So let me delve into the man world to explain why this is stupid – two easy concepts that most women just don’t get.

Number 1 – We are visual creatures. The first thing that attracts us is how you look. I’ll use the standard 1-10 rating we all know and love – if you are average (a five), but fit, healthy, well groomed, well dressed, a dude will find something about you he likes. On that scale, you lose points for weight, grooming, all of those. Race can add or subtract. I saw a girl when I was up visiting my daughter at school who was decked out in what I called “the american burqa”. She had cropped hair, baggy earth tone tshirt and cargos hiding (or trying to) hide her shape, no makeup. An honest “5”. And at her heels was a nebish of a boyfriend. See? She could do it.

It doesn’t take much, is what I’m trying to say here. If you are fit and guys ignore you, you have bigger problems to fix. BTW – that woman in the picture is a ‘2’ to me, and that’s generous. I would’t pay her any mind whatsoever in a social situation.

Number 2 – We aren’t that picky. The more R-Selected among us will simply take what they can get. It’s getting late, dude’s been drinking, he’ll settle. Hell, I’ve had friends that went home with off the scale ugly women. Off the scale meaning you’d think they were a dude. Women just need to understand where they are, what’s their market value, so to speak. George Clooney isn’t coming to sweep you off your feet. But Jeff the helpdesk tech might try.

So the two Tik-Tock women they show, other than the one above, are average, even though one is a ‘plus size’ model. And they are confusing Vabbing’s success with rule #2. Maybe it gave them confidence, but in reality, guys just aren’t that picky. Add to that a corallary that guys compartmentalize sex and relationships. A dude may have simply found them good enough at the time and not irritating enough to blow off the next day. Sorry. It’s a numbers game. You’re around enough thirsty guys and you aren’t hideous, you’ll do OK for yourself.

You know what’ll turn a guy off?


And I’m using that in the ghetto vernacular as well as it’s common usage, as in “She stank”

The article from The Daily Mail goes on to say how you might risk thrush or a yeast infection doing this. I’ve only run into this twice in my life. And it wasn’t that I opened a package (so to speak) and what was inside was spoiled. I was a few feet away.

Both women smelled like death. Matter of fact, a dead rat in their pockets would’ve been an improvement. First time, I didn’t know what it was, only who. I was at lunch with a group of people and one of them had the stank. Bad.

The other was going through security at DFW. The woman was in front of me. Her smell was epic – acrid, musty, death. When I met up with my boss and told him about it, he said “Yeah…that sounds like a yeast infection”. He had an open-the-package run in with one.

But I remember each one – what their face looked like, their hair – it’s color and style, what they were wearing, where I was. It’s that ingrained in my head. I could pick them out of a lineup.

That’s not the impression you want to make as a woman, but you probably will if you vab.

There was another woman I worked with that had hygiene issues, only it was old fashioned BO. It literally put a crust on her phone and a permafunk in her cube. This was sad, because she was otherwise cute – a 4, that would be a 5/6 if she gussied up at all. And yet, Rule #2 kicked in and one of the guys married her. Who knows. She probably bathed for him.

So there you go, girls, as if you didn’t know it already. Get fit, mind the hair and hygiene, dress well, and be nice. It’s all you need. Works better than smearing crotch gunk where it doesn’t belong.