Wintry Mix

Well they are calling for a “wintry mix” tonight. Tomorrow, we’ll wake up to ice and frigid temps. Nearly to the week when it happened last year. Only we’re supposed to only get a few days, then back to regular winter here in DFW.

I came from up north over 20 years ago, but I’m not one of those pompous jackasses that tells the locals how it was done in the big city. Whatever you’ve learnt up north really doesn’t apply here. We don’t get snow, per se, we get ice. I like to tell people we don’t get black ice, we get white ice. You can see it on the overpasses. Yet, people drive as if it’s not there.

The craziness has already started. I watched a moron blast away from a light in his BMW. Hope he’s installed winter tires. Probably not. He’ll have a moment of clarity this week, for sure.

One of the things I learned from up north is that when you see this weather forecast for a week out, that’s when you stock up. Not the day it happens. If you’ve read any of my doom writing on this, you know I pretty much use a pantry system. There was little I had to buy this week. So Monday I swung by Sprouts and picked up veggies and fruit. It’s all I needed. One thing I forgot was swiffer pads. This afternoon I stared at the kitchen floor, which was sullied by the dogs, and really didn’t want to get a mop. What the hell, I’m game to size up Wally World.

It was nuts, as you’d expect. I, however, managed a hit-and-run in 20 minutes or so. The parking lot was treacherous. No one is paying attention. The place was wall to wall Gilligans, emptying the shelves and bins like a swarm of grasshoppers in a farmer’s field. In early afternoon, traffic was already insane. It took me ten minutes to navigate back to the bunker half a block away. We are deep into the numbnuttery zone already.

So I have some observations:

• While walking the dogs, I passed by some locusts (transplants) washing their car. 40-f-ing-degrees. Even shampooing the carpets. For the life of me I couldn’t fathom why they’d do such a thing, unless maybe the kid puked in it. Still, it’ll be a mess after tomorrow. Not that I’d notice, but I’ve never seen it in their garage. Whatever. Takes all kinds.
• The best thing to do is don’t get in the car, for a number of reasons:
  • There’ll be some nob calling in on the radio pointing out how stupid we are because they can drive in this stuff. You may agree. But No. You can’t. You can drive on plowed snow that’s been treated. They do that up north. They don’t do it here. You are driving on ice here. Untreated Ice.
  • We don’t have hundreds of salt trucks like up north because it doesn’t happen that much. Shuddup about it.
  • Even if you could drive on this, Gilligan can’t. And he’s out and about because, even though he had plenty of warning, he doesn’t have food, or booze, toilet paper, or whatever. Gilligan can barely drive on dry pavement. He WILL hit you. If you’re lucky he’ll have insurance and stick around to swap info. Probably not.
  • That AWD or 4WD you bought? That big black tactical truck? Useless. If I had a five-spot for every one of these I’ve seen with a bent up roof when the weather clears, I’d be rich. You can’t stop or turn better than anyone else. Don’t think that you can.
• If you locusts didn’t learn where your water supply cutoff is and how to turn it of last year, I’d find out now. Don’t mew on Nextdoor to find someone that knows what to do when your pipe bursts. Don’t try and find the tools tomorrow with all the other Gilligans. FWIW, you can probably pop the cover (it’s near the curb) with a screwdriver and turn it off with a pair of channellocks. You need to do that FAST if it happens. Hopefully you have that plumber you used last year’s card.
• The time to buy a generator was months ago. Good luck if you need one now. That said, I doubt we’ll have electric issues after the heat ERCOT took. They’re crowing about plenty of capacity on the radio today. If not, Abbott’s head will be on a pike long before the primaries a month or so from now.
• You’re warm climate plants are probably going to die, if they haven’t started dying by now. The 20 degrees we had a few weeks ago hammered mine. I covered them anyway. Probably a futile move.

I myself have prepped. My important plants are in the sunroom with a heater. The sunroom blocks the cold exceptionally well, dog door or not. I have food, booze (even though I’m not really drinking), Dog food, plumbing parts and I have nowhere to be and don’t plan on going there.

We have more transplanted locusts here that no matter how short this blast is, there’ll be entertainment value. I’ll be cataloguing it for sure.