Why do we still have “New Years Rockin’ Eve?”
Is this muscle memory on the point of ABC?
Every new year is one of the few times we light up the HDTV antenna and tune into one of the big three networks. My wife likes to watch some of the festivities. See what’s doing around the country. Or rather, She’d like to see this but I ruin it with commentary.
This year we got stuck on ABC, New Years Rockin’ Eve. Sweet Jesus, Dick Clark is spinning in his grave. Rockin, it wasn’t . What it looked like to me was a pre-hunger games celebration in the capitol city in movie Hunger Games. Nearly all the talent was dressed identical to the city dwellers in that movie. And by and large, the talent sucked.
Who the hell is Doja Cat, anyway? Some weird, talentless made up, Lady Gaga wannabe from what I see.
I’d heard of nearly none of them. But they were sprinkled with older stars that actually had talent. they had a crap ton of nobodies, announced some more, plus coming up – Cindy Lauper. Cool. One I’ve heard of who actually can sing and produce a melody, something sorely missing for most of the evening.
And they were playing to mostly nobody. Sprinkled around the street were small cattle pens with 2-3 people tops. All wearing masks, as was the host at the oddest times. The streets were shut down – there weren’t any bars open. They aren’t allowed.
Cindy Lauper finally posts – dressed like all the others. That hasn’t happened any time I’ve ever seen her perform. She starts off with “True Colors”. Of course, because goodthinkers in blue cities are obsessed with color. But instead of singing what was a beautiful song herself, she’s in a duet with a strange looking black man dressed like a big grey Gumby with ridiculous shoulder pads. And his voice sucks. Sucks like LeRoy the bus driver belting it out along with the radio. The piece blissfully ended short, and she said a few words about working together before belting into a dance tune.
A dance tune. Like all the others. Her old ass trying to dance like the young’uns.
Who the hell is Doja Cat, anyway? and why am I supposed to care?
The only one that appeared to have any talent that I saw was Lewis Capaldi. Normal looking bloke in a white T-shirt and jean jacket that sang with a piano. Apparently he didn’t get the memo about the sparkly makeup. Sang a good tune though.
The host ran through what was upcoming. A herd of nobodies, and the goo-goo dolls. Sensing another sellout, I gave up and went to my office. A guy can only take so much.
I guess when Dick Clark left the scene, there’s no clout to get real talent. He’d have some new acts but more than a few headliners. Maybe the good acts sensed it’s lameness and stayed away.
When I gave up for the evening, as I walked back to the bedroom, Jennifer Lopez was doing the headliner. Good. Lord. Almighty. The best thing to say, I guess, is she stunk it up with the best of them that evening. As I passed close to the TV, they zoomed in. Time has not been kind to her, and HD is downright cruel. That’s not ‘Jenny from the block’, that’s Marcella from the rental office.
Thoroughly grossed out, I went back the the bedroom to find the eye bleach. Can’t un-see that, but I’ll try.
What a sad and disturbing end to a sad and disturbing year.
Inspected By Pat 