User Guide for Jasper

Tuesday next week Jasper goes to his new home.

My heart is already heavy. He’s my boy.

On the other hand, he’s being adopted by a young dude that’s going to college while staying at home. We did a few introductions and Jasper passed with flying colors.

And why not? He’s a very cool dog.

Like I said before, he’s a few months and a training class from being superdog.

And it’s not him. It’s all of them. I can take any two, but handling three has become too much. As he’s bullied Aria, she’s become even more passive agressive, if not flat out agressive. Neither Jasper nor Jethro will cross her path. She’ll lay on the floor near the door and neither dude will come in if I’m not there because she’ll punish them. I’ve seen it. She’s not screwing around. She means to make an impression. And, she does by and large.

Ist Nicht Gut.

That said, I need to jot down a user guide for the boy. Simple stuff.

  • I feed them at 7am and 6pm. He’ll stare at you and complain if you miss that.
  • He may not eat one meal. If it’s 100+, he’ll take a pass on one of them. (as will Aria)
  • If he refuses treats, like a good dried beef heart or a piece of egg, he doesn’t feel well.
  • Negative reinforcement doesn’t work whatsoever. Actually, he may bite you if you hit him. You don’t want to find out where that path leads.
  • He wants to be lead, and will constantly test you. Be consistent. Be the boss.
  • He’s the only one that will jump on my lap for a hug. A no shit hug.
  • When it’s time for bed, you say “night-night” and point at the crate. If you don’t point he’ll stare at you.
  • If you hear him ‘yip’ at night, he has to go potty let him out.
  • You don’t have to get up and stay up. Get up at 6, let him out, then back in. He’ll happily curl up on the couch until you roust.
  • He’s extremely loyal. But you have to earn it. It’s worth it.
  • He knows more than a few commands:
    • ENOUGH! – cut the crap and pay attention.
    • Sit – with your fingers curled upward – he’ll butt plant. They’ve seen this one.
    • Night Night – Go to bed in your crate.
    • Crate – go to your crate.
    • Heel – stop where you are.
    • Off or Down – don’t jump.
    • Dude! or Jazber!- pay attention.

Herself typically mows the yard. She does this to prevent my shitty lungs from seizing if I do it (although I use a mask and I’m OK). But I have to do the trimming and edging. So I typically do that during the week.

The other week, I was in front doing the trimming. When I finished, I went to the back, but I noticed that the gate hadn’t shut, and was indeed, wide open.


So I put the trimmer away and heading inside – 1….2…sommmmones missing. Jasper. Fuck.

So I grabbed a leash and headed out. Dude was nowhere in sight. This was going to suck.

So I looked, and guessed, North. He probably wouldn’t have crossed the street.

I went up two houses and saw him.

And he saw me.

I threw my hands in the hair and hollered “JASPER! WHATTHEFUCK!”

Dude snapped to attention, ran to me, and sat letting me attach the leash.

You can’t buy that. You have to learn it.

Maybe that’s a new command I can teach his new owner.