Superbowl of Suck

I’m not a sportsball fan.

I can watch it. I understand it. I can talk about it. It’s just not something that I care to invest any time or emotion whatsoever. I do watch the playoffs and superbowl, but in general, I have far better things to do with my time than gawp at the tube showing millionaires play a game that they’d be playing regardless. Not so much with football, but basketball and baseball for sure.

Superbowls have been getting crappier and crappier for years. While I like to see underdogs get there and do well, what I generally watch the spectacle for is the commercials. The halftime show has sucked pretty much since Janet Jackson bared her tiddie on particularly crappy one.

The one this year was easily the worst I’ve seen.

I hate rap. It’s not music. It’s a beat matched with some usually horrible rhymes. BTW, It’s not the only thing I can’t stand. I’m not a death-metal person either. And unless it’s an old country western, I pretty much can’t stand that either. The new stuff is horrible.

But the halftime show was a new low. Couldn’t understand a word. All the rappers up there are old. Don’t they have artists from, say, this century? I’m guessing ones that can perform without breaking NBC’s profanity rules don’t exist.

Herself is into it even less than I am. I had to point out some of the stupid cultural things to her, like:

  • Towards the end, the dancers in front were all in prison khakis. Nice. The evolution of those saggy pants (and why one would dress like that in prison) is nothing to be proud of or celebrate.
  • What’s up with Black women and ridiculous long false eyelashes? Mary J. Blige had them on, and there were many on the screen. I’ve never seen any other race wearing them, unless they were strippers. Not that I told Herself that. You will see them in the wild on black women, usually for me at WalMart. I don’t get it. They are unnatural and weird. To be honest, I don’t get why any woman would wear those things.
  • For all the bagging black women do to on whites, Oprah and Whoopi come to mind, they sure like flowing hair, especially blonde. Mary J. Blige pulls it off, somewhat, but your average “woman of color” (more than just black women) don’t do it so well. Every one I’ve seen around here is disturbing. Then again, so are the pasty white women in dreads or red-blue-purple hair. Megan Rappinoe isn’t a good looking woman. She looks like a purple haired twink to me.

Only a few commercials stood out. And those for how dumb they were:

  • Coinbase had probably the dumbest. Stupid canned music with a QR code on the screen. How many millions per 30 seconds does it cost to buy time? I heard a radio guy gushing how cool it was. No way I lit up the mobile to see what it was about. Many did though, so I guess it worked. Shows how dumb we’ve become.
  • Chevy Silverado. What the actual hell? Aping the opening of the Sopranos. It’s not a cool vehicle. It’s a lame electric truck, as dumb as it’s gas version – the Avalanche. And the woman driving it wasn’t cool. A Karen in a crappy Chevy electric.

I had an ’83 Silverado. It looked like this, only it was black and silver, a half ton, and diesel. I loved that truck. I can still hear the radio, smell the interior, hear the purr of the diesel motor. This electric apostacy is a joke.

I didn’t see one commercial that resonated. Even the Budweiser Clydesdale was sort of lame. And many of the Toyota ads I had zero idea what they were about until the end.

The only saving grace of the whole spectacle is I only paid attention to about a third of it. It was mostly background noise.

What a shame.

Light off the geez alarm. I remember it once being great. I’m sure Pepperidge Farm remembers as well.