Dumb Movies

I’m not a huge movie guy. But there are actors I’ll watch, no matter what they do – Clint Eastwood, Liam Neeson, Jack Nicholson. Other actors, notsomuch.

One of the things that trips me up are dumb movies. To me, if a movie has an unbelievable premise, or it’s one where things are implausible and impossible, I tune out. Telling me to see it as entertainment doesn’t work. I’ll bag on it through the whole thing. Worst ones ever are the BossWomanSuperHero, and TeenGurlGenius flicks. Can’t stand them.

That happened last weekend, where the girl tuned in G20. Viola Davis does Die Hard as stronk BossWomanSuperHero president. To bolster her fides (in the movie) they showed campaign shots where they kyped Micheal Yon’s soldier with kid image and posted her in it.

It starts of with herself pushing a crypto currency so poor South African farmers can buy seeds. You know, around the world poor farmers keep a portion of the yield to plant next year. They generally don’t get a goobermint loan and buy them from Monsanto. Apparently the crack writers here never heard the line “eating your seed corn” and understood what “seed corn” meant. And if they had to buy them, why they couldn’t get them the way everyone has for millenia – loan based on percentage of the yield, isn’t explored. Nor is it whether these ‘poor farmers’ in South Africa were the ones that murdered the non-poor white farmers and stole their land. That crew doesn’t seem to have the proclivities to farm, from what I’ve seen. Nor is it explained why they need a crypto for this, or how the poor farmer will use their crypto. Maybe ObamaPhones are sent with.

Soon after, we see Viola Davis, looking every bit of 60 years old, dealing with her TeenGurlGenius kid, who eluded Secret Service protection to go party at a bar (at age 17 1/2). Apparently White House security is all RFID and is easy for TeenGurlGenius to defeat.

Yeah.

Welp…I’ve been to the White House as a vendor. They may have badges for the residential areas. But they absolutely have an army of agents all over the place. If you could manage to get out of the building unnoticed, to the south is a whole lot of real estate before you can get off the compound. To the north is less real estate, with a manned guard house that leads to Lafayette park. There is a tunnel to the old exec office building to the west, and maybe one to treasury to the east. Good luck getting by the guards or out of those buildings. Good luck getting out of the building or out of the compound without being monitored.

And access to the security network? No. Every one I’ve built is on a different subnet than the production network, as is usually the Wi-Fi. You get to it by connecting to a hard port, or you use an internal VPN. Any tinkering with it sets off intrusion detection systems. She couldn’t do it in any of the commercial networks I’ve managed, and she sure as hell wouldn’t be doing it in one managed by the secret service.

Not.Gonna.Happen.

Drinking in a bar in DC at 17? Yeah. Probably not. Back in the day we could, since the drinking age was 18 (where I grew up in the DC area). Today, I’m guessing they don’t want to lose their liquor license and would err on the side of caution.

Whatever. The partying was caught on Social media causing a scandal. BossWomanSuperHero confiscates TeenGurlGenius’ laptop and declares she and her brother are now going to South Africa.

Off to South Africa for the big show. Turns out, they have contracted part of security to a Blackstone type group – HuWhite guy baddies in tactical garb, all with Aussie and English accents. Standard issue bad guys. In any event, it goes down like Die Hard from there, mostly. Viola Davis, looking every bit of 60 years old, slipped out of them seizing the g20 leaders, and goes about kicking ass. As she’s doing so, she winds up meeting a couple Wakandan super agents who were captive in the kitchen, so she sends them to save her kids.

With the help of the Wakandans, TeenGurlGenius gets a magic RFID device at the front desk and makes her way to security, and tappity tap taps on the keyboards to restore WiFi and open the back door for the SF teams to do their thing. With the TeenGurlGenius archetype, technology comes naturally, like breathing or having the force in Star Wars. TeenGurlGenius types know how to manipulate any sort of network security systems, as well as Wifi Networks, and whatnot. They can bypass firewalls with a little tappity tap tap on the keyboard.

Viola, looking every bit of 60, ends up with the bad guy, who used AI to create posts of G20 leaders, creating a panic to buy bitcoin, and scores a ton of bitcoin (today’s bearer bonds, like in Die Hard, I guess) and has a final battle. He, of course, knows how to fly the chopper that’s there, and has TeenGurlGenius tie wrapped in the passenger seat. He has a high tech palm pilot showing his ill gotten gains. BossWomanSuperHero tangles with him and kicks his bitcoin off the roof into the jungle below.

Viola Davis, looking every bit of 60, winds up in the chopper trying to take off while screeching she doesn’t know how to fly the chopper with TeenGurlGenius tie wrapped to it. Yeah. For whatever reason, she thought getting into an aircraft that’s hard to master for a pilot, let alone her, can just grab the controls while the chopper is on the top of a building. Yeah. Dumb. For whatever reason BossWomanSuperHero doesn’t launch the thing off the side into the jungle like us mere mortals would. Almost, though.

Anyhow, Bad Aussie dude takes a flyer off the pad like Hans Gruber, only with no gun. TeenGurlGenius realizes her mom is BossWomanSuperHero. Their relationship is restored, Hunger is ended due to BossWomanSuperHero’s crypto invention. A happy ending.

I feel dumber for having watched it.

I told the Girl I’d rather watch any chick flick she wants rather than BossWomanSuperHero and TeenGurlGenius ones.