Today would’ve been Herself’s and my 34th anniversary. It’s only worth noting because we had pride in our longevity. I haven’t talked with her since she left, although we are able to communicate cordially via email. I don’t know if that will ever change.
Even last week I had a friend tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I should drop any effort whatsoever offering to ‘talk’.
Besides, as Granny MaoJackets once said “At this point, what difference would it make?”
That said, I’ve come into several realizations and epiphanies in the last six months, some only recently where a series of events put our past in stark relief.
First, the seeds for this divorce were planted nearly a decade ago. I won’t say what it was, but it was the first time things went from “us” to “me” in any form. It never really ended, only paused from time to time.
Second was how worthwhile it would’ve been to fix our problems. I don’t think it was as complicated as she told our priest (then again, I don’t know). But going to him would’ve been the correct first step. Hell, he put me on the right path in a few sentences. I think it may have been easier than either of us thought.
But the sad fact of the matter is we both made it tough to be in love with each other.
Selling this house will put closure to us, legally. But there is collateral damage that hasn’t shown up completely. That will come. I’ve seen some of it so far, and it’s sad. But there’s no undoing it.
I thought long and hard about writing this. In fact, whether to write anything at all. I probably went over this a hundred times. I do have more to say, I suppose, as well as advice. Maybe a year end recap. I will say that Both Adam Piggott and Vox Day were 100% right. I wish I had re-read Piggott’s piece sooner. Through him I realized that trying to fix things was huge mistake. And I’m pretty much where Vox Day said I’d be at this point.
That is a story for another day, though.
Inspected By Pat 