The Clouds are Lifting

Aria and I are learning to deal with loss. Each day gets better, each week even better than the last. It’s taken awhile to process things.

When my world detonated, the first place I went to was one of our priests. They are amazing men, and really helped. The second was AA. That was life changing.

One thing I’ll say about the disaster that started it all is Piggott was right. I read it a week later, still didn’t follow it exactly. Stupid. Utterly stupid. Had I followed it, I’d have been better off. We’ll see. I can learn, you know.

Putting Jethro down was one of the hardest things, I’ve done. I can’t describe the feeling as your best pal’s life fades away as you are holding his head on your lap. Afterwards is easy – overwhelming guilt and grief.

And although Aria doesn’t know what happened. She knows he’s gone. She was howling in the middle of the night. A low howl. Not the trilling wolf like one when she hears a siren. I went out to see what was up and she was laying in front of his crate singing the sad songs of her people. I let her out. She had a drink of water, came back in, and settled for the night.

The rest of the week, half the time I’d see here sleeping in front of that crate. She never naps there during the day.

As I write this, I’m done with a court document for the day. I have questions, the answers to which will show up from the lawyers. I packed up Jet’s crate and cleaned the floors.

I’m sitting here, sipping a flavored sparkling water, of all things. Not a beer by any means. Then again, the stress has gooched my guts so much that I don’t hardly eat, let alone crave a drink.

It’s a cathartic moment, for sure. Don’t know what God’s plan is here, only that he has one and it’ll be revealed in time. No sense going nuts over it.

Besides, I’m starting to like sleeping most of the night.